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Senior Couple Resting with Dog on Couch
Aging

Is Your Relationship Worth Saving?

by Kendall VanBlarcom
written by Kendall VanBlarcom

Sometimes when one partner is rarely home it can be annoying or confusing for their mate, leading to one wondering if the relationship is worth saving.

For example, if one partner spends most of their day caring children, there’s no personal time available to them, it’s all about taking care of the children. That partner looks anxiously at the clock, knowing that her significant other will be home before the children go to bed, and she can get some relief.

Yet, for the partner who has spent 8-12 hours working at outside of the home, they are likely ready to unwind, desiring a peaceful environment with no stress and no demands.

Are Your Relationship Goals Being Met?

For a relationship to work, both people must feel their goals and needs are being met. If an unproductive scenario goes on and on, neither partner will understand the wants of the other person. Both will feel unfulfilled and begin to consider that the relationship isn’t worth it.

Can you relate to this? Do you think this relationship can be saved, and is it worth saving?

On Saving a Relationship

Both partners must decide if they consider a relationship is worth saving. Yes, not just one person, but both people. So agreeing to stay committed to the relationship is the first step. But if one of the partners has already decided to opt-out, then the chances are slim for revitalized relationship success.

No amount of money in the world is worth spending to save the relationship if both people aren’t invested in their own future together. However, it’s important to identify what the real problem in the relationship is. Symptoms, emotions, secret actions, and negative thoughts are not the real problems.

Egos, demands, shortcomings, and past experiences are sometimes called baggage. In reality, however, if there’s a true lack of intimacy, and it’s not addressed and discussed, and ultimately resolved, one of the partners could stray and enter into an affair. But the affair isn’t the real problem. The other person in this triangle is not the problem. The problem was the one partner’s deep lack of true intimacy without having compassion and understanding that outside pressures were interfering with the heart and energy of their beloved partner.

We’ve all heard that honest communications are the basis of every successful relationship. But what if you’re too tired to talk? What if it feels like your partner never listens to you?

Talking About Core Issues

The best way to save a relationship is confronting and calmly discussing the core issues. Now before you put a big hand in front of my face and yell, “But you don’t know my partner!” consider this: one secret is that you can save your relationship by beginning to deal with the core issues instead of pointing to the symptoms.

When you put the core issue on the table and quietly and calmly listen to your partner’s thoughts and reasoning, you’ve taken a giant stride toward your own success.

Remember to check your ego at the door during these types of conversations. Truth reigns when both people are open to hearing the truth and considering the innermost heartfelt issues of the only other person in the room.

Seek the Advice of a Counselor for Help

Sometimes it’s just easier to bring in a third party counselor who can listen objectively to both partners. Remember that you didn’t get into this situation on one hour-long session, and it will usually take more than a one-hour session to get re-connected with your significant other. Restoring a relationship is an ongoing process, but it doesn’t have to go longer than 6 weeks, if you choose the right counselor who truly wants to see both of you reunited in the fastest amount of time.

Wipe the slate clean. Start over…again and again if you have to. But most importantly, if you’re both willing, help is only a phone call away.

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Dealing with Loneliness
Aging

Dealing with Loneliness

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Seniors face many challenges, they have financial constraints, difficulty finding work, have problems driving and getting around, deal with chronic illnesses, and if those weren’t enough, so many older adults suffer from loneliness. For the issue of being alone and lonely–do we have more control of feeling isolated than we want to admit? In the elder orphan Facebook group, I hear some members say they are very lonely — while others admit to being alone but rarely lonely. Dealing with Loneliness
Even for me, where I live (in a highrise surrounded by close neighbors,) I experience few residents who never make eye contact while others will stop in the hallways and strike up conversations. I wonder, in some cases, are we our worse enemies? Maybe, if we learn to make contact, talk with people even those we don’t know, would that help us feel more engaged and less lonely?
I posed the question to my Facebook group, and members responded with useful tips and suggestions:

  • “Yes, so true, but know if you make a sincere effort to connect with another, not everyone will respond. Don’t let that one experience stop you from ever trying again. We should all keep trying again and again. It’s kind of like looking for a job, eventually, you will get one if you want one bad enough.”
  • “I think if we become more engaged in groups or volunteering we would be less lonely.”
  • “Having a disability or chronic illness may limit participation. Cultural studies tell us we have multiple identities; one at work, at home, at a place of worship, in volunteer work, etc. Understand your identities – interests, talents, and values. Then pursue them and find compatible people there.”
  • “It has to do with the personality. My friend is amazing, she talks to everyone, everywhere. It never occurs to her that rejection is possible. And everyone responds to her. She was just camping at the North Rim, hanging out with 5 young men in the next tent. I am going to try to be more outgoing like her, but it’s easy!”

No, it isn’t easy to connect with total strangers. But it gets easier over time even if you’re an introvert. I was able to change my approach with people, even being when being shy. Here’s how I changed my introvert behavior to an inclusive approach:

  1. Made eye contact with every person that crossed my path
  2. Said hello to each one and smiled — if they didn’t respond, I was okay with it
  3. Asked many of them, “How’s the day going for you?”
  4. When shopping, make eye contact with clerks and thank them for the help and say, “I hope you have a good day.”

After a month of doing this, I’m amazed by how I felt. It was a fulfilling experience and I felt more engaged. Years later, today, I have conversations with strangers at the bus stop, waiting in the checkout lines — no matter where I go (most times) I don’t feel alone because I know, a conversation and connection is right there waiting to happen. Dealing with Loneliness
How to Thrive When Aging Alone

Dealing with Loneliness

Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness Dealing with Loneliness

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Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors
Aging

Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors

by Richard Bitner
written by Richard Bitner

Family relationships are important at every stage of life. But they’re important for different reasons at different ages. As we grow older, our circumstances change and the things we need from our family change with them. Strong family relationships give seniors a much-needed support system as age makes them increasingly vulnerable. These relationships are often essential to seniors’ emotional and mental well-being. They’re also associated with positive health outcomes, meaning a strong relationship with family can literally extend a senior’s life. Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors

How Seniors Benefit from Family Relationships

Aging comes with a number of unique circumstances and challenges. Growing older can make daily life more difficult. As a result, seniors tend to rely on their family members more and more as they age. Other changes also make it difficult for seniors to maintain a health social life outside of family.

  • Retirement can be a major disruption to seniors’ social lives. Many older adults don’t realize how much they rely on their coworkers for human interaction and how lonely it can feel to spend the workday at home. Strong family relationships provide seniors with a safety net for meaningful interactions and human contact.
  • Physical or cognitive difficulties can make day-to-day living difficult for seniors. If seniors have strong family relationships in place, they can rely on their family members to help them with things like housekeeping, errands, and personal interactions.
  • In their older years, many seniors find it harder and harder to maintain a healthy social life outside of their family. Mobility concerns make it hard for them to go out to meet friends, or make it hard for friends to go out and meet them. As friends pass away, social circles can become more restricted.
  • Even relatively healthy seniors are at increased risk of injury or illness. They depend on family to help with tasks that might be unsafe, to monitor for signs of sickness, and to help make the trip to the doctor or hospital.
  • Our world is changing more rapidly than ever, and it is extremely difficult for seniors to manage this rate of change. Seniors tend to rely on their family for help navigating cultural changes and new technologies, and seniors without strong family relationships in place can struggle to adapt.

When Family Relationships Aren’t Enough

Of course, some seniors aren’t able to maintain strong family relationships. In other cases, they maintain a strong emotional relationship with their family, but they live far away. This could be because children moved for a job or relationship, or because seniors relocated for retirement. As a result, they can’t rely on family for some of the things that other seniors would.
This isn’t always as bad as it seems. Some evidence shows that strong social relationships are just as effective as family relationships in terms of seniors’ health and well-being. While it can be tough to maintain these relationships in old age, many seniors manage thanks to strong social circles, organized clubs and activities, and involvement in their local community.
There are also senior services that offer many of the things that seniors rely on their families to provide. Non-profit organizations provide healthy meals and transportation. Companion care services can give isolated seniors much needed human interaction. And personal care workers can help seniors cope with age-related physical decline and disability.
If you are looking for senior services for your loved one, contact your local Visiting Angels. Our caregivers treat our clients with the same care and compassion as they would their own family members. We can make it easier to care for your aging parent or grandparent. Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors
Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors

Why Family Relationships are Important for Seniors

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What are Guaranteed Issue Rights for Medigap
Aging

This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

The lifestyle and concept of aging alone is not new, but in the U.S. more people experience aging at home without the support of family nearby (2010 Census.) In the rural area where I grew up, the older generations never worried about being left alone without help. Families saw to it that older members had a place to live, food on the table, received help with daily living, and a bed. Our elders shared in social activities and never felt left out. Even the local township and churches actively participated in caring for elders when they were alone. It gave us a sense of paying it forward or making a difference, not fulfilling an obligation. But in larger cities, there may have been an epidemic of loneliness and isolation, just not where I grew up. This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

Family dynamics have shifted and altered over the last 50 years. More people have moved from their home towns to prepare for adulthood and headed off to college. That’s what happened in my family. However, when my parents needed me in their elder years, their offspring rallied to help. But not all families are capable or willing.
As for me, I wonder who will care for me later on? I’m in my mid-sixties and have no children or a spouse and since I want to surround myself with like-minded individuals, I started a Facebook group to help mitigate our loneliness, lack of support, and to share knowledge and insights on coping. And sometimes we celebrate the decades of shared memories. Over the past year, some members even meet locally.
Most members in the group accept that problems like loneliness, job dissatisfaction, social isolation, ability to make friends, finding worthwhile free time pursuits, dealing with dysfunctional families or physical limitations may apply just as much to a younger adult, a healthy child or teenager, and even a disabled Millennial, or the married couple next door, but generally speaking, older adults may have a harder time with isolation than the younger individuals, excluding people living with a disability.

The Difficult Aging Concerns and Issues

In our group, we discuss tough issues and many times share resources, words of encouragement, and tips that help us get by during difficult times. I believe if one has a family member nearby, it’s easier (but not less painful or worrisome) to face a challenge, an impending medical treatment, and even a hospital stay. However, having support and the love of another individual goes a long way to relieve anxiety.

Real aging alone worries — and support given

  • “Being in the hospital alone. I’ve gone to the ER due to serious breathing issues. Wrote an email to my only family, a brother 600 miles away of my wishes for my cats, my health directives, cremation and my estate.”
  • “I’ve had serious blood pressure issues recently and was hospitalized too. Hope you are better soon. Wish I was closer to help you out if needed.”
  • “Inspired by a (late) friend, I have made a will and I’m currently seeking some sort of pre-arranged cremation services and have contacted my sisters 3,000 miles away and made them aware of my wishes and cleared it with them. Now, since I am the only one left, I can get on living the remaining chapters.”
  • “I had serious back surgery recently and like you will be pretty much alone. To say that I’m terrified would be an understatement. I just know that I’ve done everything else for my back and this is the last step to see if I get any relief from pain which goes on 24/7. This will be a six-hour surgery so not a walk in the park. I certainly empathize with you and hope you will keep me in your thoughts on Thursday.”
  • “I need to coordinate the legal docs and appoint a guardian, maybe a lawyer, to work with the hospital and funeral director. At the end of the day, it may be a smarter more caring choice than distant family.”
  • “Two weeks ago I had surgery and heard the question we all dread..do you have someone to pick you up?”
  • “For the 1st time…I enlisted friends. It was empowering. But ..they won’t always be there.”
  • “This is where we experience the heart of our and sadness. It also brings up so many past hurts and regrets.”
  • “I have no one to manage my affairs when I die. I’m not worried about my fur baby…….there are at least four people who would take him in a heart beat. He’s such a love! But people don’t want to be involved with handling things when a person dies……….unless they are family and I have none.”

Hopes and wisdom shared

  • “We are not alone! Children are negligent and don’t show up—even adult children see sick parents once a year.”
  • “Husbands of chronically ill women can be negligent and nasty. Many of them have family dysfunction and estrangement.”
  • “As I’m writing this and seeing these oppressed and neglected married women with children..we might take a different approach and congratulate ourselves on being strong survivors of life.”
  • “I was in another country, and I developed a.sac of water around my heart. I didn’t die, but I’m still having a lot of trouble walk-ins, lifting, rolling over in bed, etc. It sucks to have no one to call on. I’m new to the area.”
  • “DRGs are the worse thing for single patients. Please make sure the Social Worker knows that you go home to no one and that you have no one to check up on you. Maybe they can transfer you to assisted living for a week or two.”
  • “Whatever you do, DO NOT LEAVE until 1) you have a diagnosis that makes sense to you, and 2) there is someone to come and get you, and see you safely home.”
  • “I’m thrilled by social experiments all over the world bringing students or teens together with the aging in win/win situations. As we face a changing reality don’t forget all of our positives and benefits. The retired have more free time and a lifetime of experience to share. Consider mentoring a young entrepreneur, teaching scouts how to cook, sew, crochet, train a dog. What did our grands teach us? Pass it on!”
Some individuals may read the article and say, “how depressing,” whereas a member of the group, me, would read and say, “how refreshing, people aging at home alone, have a platform to be heard and supported.” This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt
New Aging Dilemma: Living Alone At Home

This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt This Is Why Aging Alone Is Harder And How We Adapt

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How to Celebrate Your Birthday When Alone
Aging

How to Celebrate Your Birthday When Alone

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

If you’re one of the 30 percent of older adults living alone in the U.S., then you might be one who celebrates a birthday solo style. Many of members in the Elder Orphan Facebook group find themselves all alone on special events and even their birthday. Some members have no family at all, while others do have adult children who live at a distance. For the most part, rarely do individuals expect to be alone on such occasions. How to Celebrate Your Birthday When Alone

Celebrating a special day alone doesn’t sound appealing, but if you do find yourself all alone, there are things you can do to make it pleasant and satisfying. A birthday is a perfect reason to pamper yourself. Spend the special day doing things that you enjoy and treat yourself to eating an unhealthy snack — like cake and ice cream. It’s also the perfect time to play catch up with far-away friends on the phone, via Skype or FaceTime.
Here are a few ways members in the Elder Orphan group celebrate special times alone.

  • On the eve of my birthday, I think about doing something I’ve never done before. One birthday, I spent the entire day out telling everyone I met, “it’s my birthday!” I received a bouquet of flowers from a clerk in the grocery market and a free cookie. Plus, I received a lot of birthday wishes too, sure they were from strangers but it felt great to me.
  • This year on my birthday, I sat in my backyard basking in the sun, reading, and enjoying my company.
  • On my birthday each year, I take a day off from work, the computer, and even the phone. I enjoy a full day of peace and quiet with myself.
  • I always get a massage, pedicure, and manicure on my birthday. Then I treat myself to a nice long lunch and a trip to the local museum.
  • Plan to spend an entire day out. Drive to a different nearby town, pack a picnic lunch and bring a book along. One birthday, I took a bus ride to another city 50 miles away. I ate a local restaurant and visited with the patrons there having lunch. You’d be surprised how quickly time flies when engaged with others.
  • Visit the local senior center. They offer several classes. Take a class on something you’ve never done before like drawing. I stayed late and enjoyed their dancing class too. So, just get out of the house and be with others.
  • One birthday I booked a cheap flight to Colorado to see a favorite cousin who’s 85 and very hip! LOL! It was me celebrating her and the beauty of Colorado. I said no cake because I’m on weight watchers so that was it! Pleasant, peaceful and cooler than Texas! Buy yourself some flowers and enjoy your day! How to Celebrate Your Birthday When Alone
  • I go to my favorite store and buy something really nice for myself. Then I buy the yummiest piece of cake I can find! How to Celebrate Your Birthday When Alone
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Aging

How to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome

by Guest Blogger
written by Guest Blogger

Well, here you are: The last kiddo has left home and you’re feeling pretty blue. Maybe you’re worrying all the time. You’re probably a little lonesome (or a lot). You may feel like it, but you are not alone.

The Empty Nest Is Actually Full—of Emotions

According to GoodTherapy.org, empty nesters may experience insomnia, anxiety and/or panic—as well as feelings of extreme grief, isolation/loneliness, guilt and purposelessness. They may even lose interest in activities they once enjoyed. Psychology Today notes that “…parents often struggle with a profound sense of loss, not just because they miss their child, but because their very identities have been significantly impacted.” In other words, if your parenting role has changed so dramatically, who are you?

In two-parent families, empty nest syndrome is at least a team experience—one partner can offer support and empathy when the other is struggling. For divorced, widowed or single parents, however, there may unfortunately be an even greater sense of isolation and loneliness.

If you are struggling with empty nest syndrome, the good news is you are not alone. Most parents experience at least some of these feelings in varying degrees. Here are five suggestions for coping with empty nest syndrome and finding your groove again.

Five Ways to Cope with Empty Nest Syndrome

1. Participate in Activities That Include Others.

Whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, we all need friends. If you’re already involved in a community group, don’t stop now! If you’ve been too busy, go ahead and sign up for those art classes, start a band, look into university extension programs, or join a new class at the gym. The excitement and energy of taking up a new hobby or learning something new is a real balm for feelings of loss, and being around other people can help stave off social isolation.

2. Find New Ways to Feel Valued and Needed.

One of the rewards of parenting is the feeling of being important to another person. While nothing will ever replace the love between a parent and child, you can find some fulfillment in helping others. Look for a volunteer organization that aligns with your values and sign up! Offer to read books at a nearby school, or hold babies in the NICU at your local hospital. Sign up to work at a local food bank or community garden. Or use your skills to help others—knit blankets for hospital patients, teach home repair skills… the possibilities are as endless as your imagination.

3. Embrace a New Adventure.

If your time and budget allow it, why not enjoy all that traveling you put off during the busy parenting years? Some empty nesters even decide to sell their homes and travel full-time! While that might not be the right choice for you, having a trip to plan and look forward to (and then enjoy) can be very therapeutic.

4. Embark On an Encore Career.

If you’ve reached retirement age, becoming an empty nester might inspire you to re-enter the working world. Encore careers can take on many forms — a coaching or consultative role in your former industry, professionalizing one of your skills (such as giving art lessons), or even joining the staff at a nonprofit. These “second-act” jobs can be a great way to recharge your spirits, stay engaged and extend your retirement income.

5. Discover the Benefits of Homesharing.

Sometimes an empty nest means you’ve got unused space in your home. Homesharing offers a wonderful way to put that space to work and have some company around the house. In homesharing, your renter (or “housemate” pays rent or does household chores (or a combination of the two) in exchange for living space.

Some homeowners find housemates by asking around among friends and neighbors, or by advertising in the community, online or on social media. Silvernest uses unique roommate-matching technology and other tools to make homesharing simple and worry-free. We’ve helped build happy homesharing agreements between people of similar ages or across generations.

There’s Hope Ahead.

Those “empty nest” feelings are normal and natural. While you’ll always miss having your kids around, the most intense emotions usually ease with time. However, if you find yourself too depressed or anxious to fully participate in your life as you once did, please seek out professional support. A trained therapist or, if need be, psychiatrist can help you work your way through this transition to a brighter future.

Posted by Silvernest Team

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Aging

Biggest Senior Concerns

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Health and financial security is a prime concern to seniors. In a survey sponsored by the National Council on Aging, found that financial security (71% of seniors) comes ahead of staying involved with family and friends (68%) but women are even more vulnerable than men to financial matters.

The study names other worrisome factors like health care and prescription drug costs. The other two are being a burden to family and losing independence.

Individuals who help a loved one will risk losing their financial security because they quit their job or work part-time to become a caregiver. They forfeit contributing to their retirement fund and saving accounts.

The Caregiving Dilemma

Family caregiving has always been the cornerstone of our healthcare system. But that segment dwindles.

In 2016, nearly 15 percent of women ages 40-44 hadn’t given birth and were childless, up from 10 percent in 1976, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. A 2013 report from AARP projects that by 2040, about 21 percent of the older, disabled population will be childless.

The number of childless older people in the UK expects to double by 2030, putting huge pressure on a health and social care system that is already struggling to support the vulnerable, warned Kirsty Woodard, founder of the Ageing Well Without Children.

Older adults strapped with money insecurity now take on another challenge, paying for personal care at home.

If you’re in this situation, have you thought about how you will find help and support in the years ahead? The members in my group talk about it a lot. But it’s not just the child free individuals who worry about it, so do women with children, because many live hundreds of miles apart or have estranged relationships.

It’s a huge issue that we must address. The last thing you want to face is a medical emergency or event without a plan.

In a study conducted in my Facebook group by an academic professor revealed other factors for individuals to think about:

  • To identify a caregiver who would help if you became ill or disabled
  • To find a trusted person to help you cope with life’s challenges like medical and financial decisions
  • To have access to someone in case there’s a crisis
  • To find people to socialize with you to avoid loneliness
  • To mitigate your chances of developing chronic conditions

When you make a plan to tackle these issues, then you’re less confused and uncertain about handling them in the coming years.

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Aging

Is it Possible to Prepare for the Future?

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

Most seniors have not saved enough money for retirement much less compiled a carefully thought out plan for the future. In total, more than 40% of households headed by people aged 55 through 70 lack sufficient resources to maintain a living standard in retirement, a Wall Street Journal analysis concluded. That is around 15 million American households.

According to an article in the Wall Street Journal, Americans aged 60 through 69 had about $2 trillion in debt in 2017, an 11% increase per capita from 2004, according to New York Federal Reserve data adjusted for inflation. They had $168 billion in outstanding car loans in 2017, 25% more per capita than in 2004. They had more than six times as much student-loan debt in 2017 than they did in 2004, Fed data show.

What woke me up to the threat of not planning ahead was family caregiving. I experienced first hand the effects of growing old watching my parents evolve in the latter stages. However, they had offspring to depend on.

After those years of looking out for them, I realized there will be no one for me who I can count on for help since I’m single and child free. That’s when I got on the stick and came up with a plan that set me on the right track: to become healthier, to move to a connected and walkable urban area, and to find nearby support and friendships.

Caring for a loved one is an awakening time for most family members. It’s when people understand the difficulties of growing older by seeing their parents or older relatives deal with heart problems while others confront dementia and Alzheimer’s disease. Observing decline is heart wrenching and especially difficult for the elder. Caregivers thought parents are invincible but soon find the contrary.

If you are in the early stages of preparation, consider:

  • Your home may be easy for you to navigate and comfortable for you now, but think about how that may change when you get older. A big house with lots of stairs to climb may present a serious challenge if you have a health or physical challenge.
  • Draw up legal documents: a will, a living will, a healthcare proxy and a power of attorney.
  • Find a trustworthy person or family you can depend on for support and care. Work out a payment strategy and put it in writing. Get legal advice before implementing a plan. An elder law attorney can steer you in the right direction. Perform a comprehensive due diligence on the strategy and the person(s) before signing anything.
  • Hire a chronic care advocate if you live with a prolonged medical condition, preferably an attorney specializing in elder law.
  • Eat fresh, healthy foods.
  • Keep your brain sharp by getting involved.
  • Volunteer and help those in need.

 

Start looking ahead and plan for the future. I’m making it easy for you with my new FREE webinar, The 3 Strategies of Future Planning. Here’s the link to sign up: https://www.carolmarak.com/email-capture

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Why Seniors Isolate
Aging

Why Seniors Isolate

by Carol Marak
written by Carol Marak

There’s a growing concern that seniors in retirement are not actively involved and it puts them at risk for chronic conditions. Social isolation and loneliness among older adults are linked to depressive symptoms, poor cognitive functioning, disrupted sleep, lack of physical activity, and impaired mental health-all of which have implications for increased mortality.

Other risks include a weakened immune system, increased use of emergency services, early admittance to a nursing home, and frequent falls.

In 2018, an academic researcher asked 550 seniors in a Facebook group who frequently discuss feeling isolated, “What are your reasons for being socially inactive? Is it lack of transportation and budget? Is it because you don’t know about the local options and groups that can keep you connected? Or maybe it’s because it takes too much effort to build relationships? What do you fear most about being lonely and disconnected?” Here are a few stories she heard:

“I suspect I will feel more isolated after retirement. I live in a rural area, although there is a town 18 miles away and a city 25 miles away, so I can find activities in one place or the other. The complete lack of public transportation is a serious concern–if you can’t drive, you can’t go to the grocery store! I like living alone, with cats, but I also like doing things with friends. I do worry what would happen if I became physically disabled.”

“Most of my real friends moved closer to children and grandchildren. I have also moved several times. I have had health problems for over 20 years and one of those is chronic fatigue. It takes all my energy to keep up with the basics. Somewhere along the line I went from a gregarious extrovert to being lonely. Keeping the balls in the air is all I seem to do. Public transportation wouldn’t make much difference in my town. And budgets truly limit what entertainment, or help I can afford.”

“Putting energy into building yet another round of new relationships is becoming less attractive to me. Over the years and through multiple moves and career shifts, I have lost track of schoolmates, work buddies, former neighbors, and extended family. I have been able to reconnect with a few of them through Facebook, but they don’t live nearby.”

“Budget, transportation, and health are the main causes of my isolation. I had to give up driving because of severe glaucoma. Also, having a rare autoimmune disease makes me exhausted most of the time. Trips outside my apartment are to Dr’s appointments and grocery shopping. My only family is one son who lives in another city, and I rarely hear from him or his children.”

Do you isolate and are you lonely? What do you do about it when feeling disconnected? If you care to share your story, send me an email to Carol@Seniorcare.com.

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